Monday, November 10, 2008

This was the week

this was the week i was supposed to be due with our 3rd baby.  i still think about our baby often...especially this week.  today in the mail i received a letter from my insurance in michigan reminding me my baby was due this month and that i needed to report when s/he was born.  i cried.  even though i know God had a plan for this, even though we have another baby on the way now, even though i lost that baby so early....i still wanted and loved THAT baby with all my heart.  i still wonder what it would have been like...wonder if the baby was a boy or a girl...wonder, wonder, wonder...

i'm so glad for God's love and comfort in times of hurt, grief and confusion.  i know i couldn't make it through this without HIM.  and i'm so thankful for my husband, who grieves with me and feels the loss as much as i do.  and i'm also thankful for my friends and family who've been there for us...especially those who have walked this road as well.  thank you for being there for us.  i know i will never forget my baby...i know the sadness will always be there, but i also know the scripture in lamentations is true.  "because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (lamentations 3:22-23).

thanks for listening (or should i say reading?).  i'll be trying to post my 10 smiles on time this week, along with a few other things (including a little bloggy award given to me by amanda that i have yet to pass on!).

2 comments:

MikeandJen said...

just knowing how you're feeling...
hang in there... one thing we did was buy a small little cake and had a little birthday party. i know that sounds kind of weird, but for us it was about acknowledging that little life.

Amanda said...

rebecca...i am crying for you...with you...(that seems to be a theme for me this week...sheesh!). i think that lingering, always there sadness is a blessing from God...isn't he gracious and kind to make EVERY life matter...even the ones that we never get to meet. rebecca, how precious to know that our baby's are with Jesus..right now. in His arms. also...can you send me your newest address...i STILL need to get something in the mail to you for the pay-it-forward thing way back forever ago! :) theyakmom AT yahoo.com